I had today all planned out. I was going to bring both children to school, hit the grocery store, do the walk/run combo on my C25K app around my neighborhood, take a long hot shower sans interruption, do some school work and then take a nap. I have been planning today since Friday afternoon. Like with everything, when you have children, they throw a wrench in well laid plans. C woke up and started to complain his leg hurt. I thought he was trying to get out of school so he could stay home with me. After about an hour I realized he wasn’t messing around. His leg really does hurt. He can bend and sit with no problem but he limps when he walks and falls down when he runs. Very strange and sudden. It appears to be more in the hip area but I’m not qualified to make a diagnosis, unless you count the ability to use WebMD because then I’m totally qualified. Everything, even the simplest thing results in death when you WebMD it. Got a mosquito bite, it is probably West Nile and you will die. Have a runny nose, death. Burning sensation in your chest, nope not heart burn, probably a heart attack and you will die. Stub your toe, hope you have a plot picked out.

Anyway, back on track, C’s leg. He is home with me. That means my plans are out the window. I did manage to take him to the grocery store with me. He wanted to walk but it was taking forever with his limp so we compromised and he got to ride in one of those car carts. OH MY GOD! Seriously. Who invented those? Sure they look fun and totally make kids actually want to get in the cart but for the love of God. You can’t maneuver them at all. I tried to get past a lady bending of the meat section and I almost took her out. To be fair, her butt was really big and she was hogging the whole aisle. Heaven forbid you have to turn around, you have to do a 3 point turn. I feel like you need to have some sort of training to push one of those carts. They care clearly too advanced for just anyone to operate. On the downside, they suck if you are the person pushing. On the upside, they are pretty rad to ride in if you are 4.

I really can’t do important school work with him home. He is really distracting. He wants to talk about the tv show he is watching. He wants to show me how he can put a puzzle together. He doesn’t just want me to see the finished product, he wants me to watch him put it together. He wants to sit on my lap. He wants to hold hands. I’m sure you get the point. I tend to read the same paragraph 78 times and then end up not knowing what it was I even read. Since his leg hurts I can’t do today’s C25K until K gets home. What is a mother and child to do in this type of situation? You got it….watch Keeping up with the Kardashians. It is the equivalent of reading the National Enquirer. You know it is wrong. You know you will be horrified. You just can’t stop yourself. Apparently it was the season finale where Kourtney had her baby girl. It was not super graphic but it was…..I can’t think of a word to describe it. The camera was positioned at her belly so you couldn’t see anything x-rated but it did show the baby being pulled out. There was a small sheet or something covering her up but only the important parts. C was fixated on what was happening. He isn’t around babies and probably never gave a second thought to where they came from.

C: WHOA! Look at that! It is a baby!

Me: Yep. She had a baby girl.

C: Where did it come from? Was she sitting on it? (I mean they did pull it from between her legs so it is a fair question.)

Me: The baby was in her belly and she pushed the baby out.

C: Awwwwwww, it’s so cute!

Me: Ummm, ok. (I don’t think newborns are all that cute. They are kind of gross and wrinkly and awkward.)

Cut to an hour later.

C: Mama!! Hurry! Come here!

I went to the bathroom to check on him because when a 4 year old is in the bathroom alone and yells for you to come there you go.

Me: What? Is something wrong?
C: No. Look! I pooped out a baby.

Oh…..my……God…… What do you say? Good job? You don’t poop babies out, even though he just witnessed what he swears was a lady pooping a baby out? Is there even an appropriate thing to say in this situation? I just smiled, gave him a thumbs up and told him to wash his hands.