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I am sure you all know about the Elf on the Shelf. It isn’t new. I, however, have avoided it like the plague. Did I really want C to think that an elf was magical and told Santa everything? Did I want to deal with making sure the elf “magically” moved to a different place every night? Did I want to commit to finding new and creative ways to display the elf? The answer to all of those questions has been a big fat no. The problem is this year C believes. Like really, really, really believes in Santa. He thinks of Christmas and finds it all so magical. I guess he is just at that age. Who am I to stomp on his sugar plums fairies with my Grinch slippers? I decided I should just bite the bullet and get the elf. Did you know it is like $30? It is. I think Santa is laughing his big bowl fully of jelly all the way to the bank. He gets all the credit for good gifts. He is the reason the kids want to listen and be on their best behavior. Why not extort money out of the parents at the same time? Santa may be a bit of an ass if you ask me. Real shady, too. What kind of person breaks in your house just to eat your cookies and drink your Patron Diet Pepsi milk?

Anyway, just like with everything that is gender related, the girl elf was more expensive because she needed a skirt. Thankfully I was only in need of a boy. I, also, wasn’t sure if the elf should just show up. Did it matter if he arrived in a Target bag? Was I supposed to do something special? Creative? I already had to make a secret board on Pintrest to pin ideas on what to do with the elf for the next 28 days. I was conflicted about how this whole thing works so I just put the elf….well……on the shelf.

Ignore the paint sample. It has taken me 2 years to narrow down my paint chips. It may take me 2 more to really decide if I like the colors or not. Who knows. I, also, got the Elf on the Shelf movie. I know I can DVR it but it would get erased before next Christmas so I figured I would just get the dvd and pack it away with the elf every year.

After school C came home and saw that “Santa” left a gift for him. He was so excited. Every morning since Friday, when the Christmas stuff went up, he has gotten up and asked me if Santa brought presents.

Yes, this happened. He went to grab the elf and the box knocked him directly in the forehead. Personally, I think maybe this elf is an ass, too. I mean, what kind of elf knocks a child out as a hello gesture? Thanks for adopting me, let me give you a concussion. Maybe he isn’t an ass. Maybe he just was so excited he was jumping in the box and the box fell over during the excitement. No, toys are really secure in boxes and require a masters degree and a box of variously sized tools to get them out. I guess our elf really is an ass. Way to go Santa.

After C recovered we read the book that accompanies the elf. C named him Jack and even wrote Jack’s name in the book. We went over the rules for Jack several times. I stressed the part where Jack will lose his magic to fly and let Santa know if C had been good every night. The movie helped reinforce the rules. We put Jack on the mantle and left him to do his job. Isn’t that creepy though? Some little elf with a just a bit too large smile is sitting on the mantle watching your every move……I think I hear horror movie music in the background. The whole point is C is thrilled. I hope that I don’t hate the elf by Christmas Eve. It may be touch and go. I hope to be able to find fun ways to display Jack every night. Jack does have a twinkle in his eye. I hope he doesn’t let his hair loose on the weekends and turn into Badass Jack. He seems like the type of elf to do that. All straight laced during the week then a wild child on Friday and Saturday nights. He probably has a tramp stamp. I guess we will see how this goes. I will lock up the liquor cabinet and block HBO in the mean time.

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